How To Fall For A Girl
by DragonCrazy
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy, in a series of hilarious accidents, starts to fall for his arch nemesis, Rose Weasley. Scorpius' POV.(SUMMARY WAS CHANGED)
1. Tease Her

**1. Tease them. Seriously, most relationships start that way.**

I felt elated. I was finally going to Hogwarts!

Eleven. Years. After waiting for a decade, I was finally going to Hogwarts!

Mum, being a peppy, cheerful person by nature, was delighted when I got my letter and insisted on cooking a feast and probably would've invited the whole Ministry of Magic if Dad hadn't stepped in.

I am being completely serious. She was actually going to invite the whole Ministry, or a population close to it anyway.

"But our little-"Really? _Little_?"-Scorpius is going to Hogwarts!"

"Astoria, we knew that Scorpius was going to go to Hogwarts at some point." There's Dad, the Voice of Reason.

"But we need to celebrate, no matter how obvious it is!" There's Mum, willing to celebrate everything in life.

"I agree, but inviting _five hundred_ people is going a bit… overboard." There's Dad, trying to save both of our skins by deterring Mum from inviting the whole wizarding world to our manor.

"Ugh, fine." There's Mum, giving up and saving Dad and I from extreme humiliation.

We had a nice, small party celebrating me going to Hogwarts. Woo!

Er… anyway, back to Platform ¾ .

* * *

"So, remember, Scorpius, good grades, and.. er… if someone judges you by your family, just don't listen to them, alright?"

I nodded.

"Well, off you go, then. Good-bye!"

"Have fun!" trilled my peppy and cheerful mum after hugging me.

I'm surprised my mum hasn't killed me from embarrassment or something, but I must be tougher than I thought. Hm.

Just as I was going to board the train, I saw a pretty- ahem, _ugly_- girl listening to her dad.

Something about… beating Scorpius? Thank God she inherited her mother's brains?

After being thoroughly confused (I mean, I've never even _seen_ her before today, jeez.), I finally boarded the train and found a compartment.

* * *

About ten minutes later, I was all settled in, and was reading a good book (oh, who cares if I was reading _Hogwarts, A History_, it's interesting!) when the girl who's dad was unfairly pitting her against me came in with a boy with messy black hair (seriously, has he heard of combing hair before? Apparently not.).

"Oh, hi, mind if we sit here? All the other compartments are full," the girl (uh, Rose I think?) said.

I shrugged. "Alright."

The girl beamed. "Thanks. My name is Rose Weasley, and this-"She pointed at Mr. Bed-Head"-is Albus Potter."

Mr. Bed-He- I mean_, Albus, _scowled. "I prefer Al."

"Al sounds like an old, fat and friendly man. When I say old, I mean like over sixty," I said without thinking.

Rose started coughing/hacking/snickering, while Al the Fat Man glared at me.

"Are you implying something?"

I shrugged again. "Take it however you want. Er, how much candy do you eat?"

Al the Fat Man growled like a dog would at… something bad. Not that I'm bad, I mean, _look_ at me! I'm an angel!

Ok, so what if I may have snapped and pranked my grandfather? You would too! He's an insufferable, pompous, strict, dimwitted, IDIOT.

All I can say is that Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes can cater to your every pranking need.

Those new and improved six-in-one dungbombs are awesome.

Not that I've, uh, ever used them, of course. Ha ha.

"So, what's your name," asked Rose after like two minutes of snorting and coughing.

"… Scorpiusmalfoy," I said swiftly. Uh, a bit too swiftly. Oh well.

"Scomaly?"

Al the Fat Man snorted.

"No, Sk-or-pee-us Ma-l-foy," I said, stretching out every syllable. What? I'm a kind and caring person.

Even if my grandfather swears that I'm the reincarnation of Voldemort himself.

Proof that he's lost it. I'm the most innocent person on Earth!

I mean, who cares if my parents call me the 'Sarcasm King'?

Rose paled. "Did you just say Scorpius Malfoy?"

Al paled. "Did Rose just call you a Malfoy?"

I smirked. "Why, yes I am. I don't know of any other Scorpius Malfoys. Actually, I don't know of any other Scorpiuses, but that's proof that my name is unique."

"Hey, my name is unique, too!"

"Keep telling that to yourself, Fat Man."

"For your information, my weight is AVERAGE."

"Could you two stop ARGUING? Both of your names are unique!"

"Unlike Rose. Sounds like a boring, old prick."

"MALFOY! You-you-uh- dolt!"

"A sign that you have no imagination."

"ARGH! I'm getting out of here!"

With that, Rose and Al left.

A couple of minutes later, a guy named Alex Guadis came in and started chatting to me.

Basically, we became fast friends. Even though that guy reminds me of my mother.

Oh well.

Rose and Al were pricks anyway. Especially Rose. Can't take a joke, that one.


	2. Tell Her That She's Fat

**A/N: Blanket disclaimer: I don't own HP or the wizarding world.**

* * *

**2. Tell them that they're fat. It gets their attention. Not joking.**

"Malfoy and Guadis…. Let's see, here are your time-tables."

Alex beamed. "Thank you, Professor Finch-Fletchley!" I swear he overdoses on happy pills every day.

I took the time-table and looked at our schedule for today. "Uh, let's see. We've got… Charms first today with the Ravenclaws."

Alex started giggling. I stared at him.

"Ok, Ok, Ok! To Charms we go!" shouted Alex, charging out of the Great Hall.

Everyone gave me strange looks.

I buried my face in my hands.

"ALEX! YOUR TOAST! YOU IDIOT, WE HAVE AN HOUR TO GET TO CHARMS!"

First day of lessons and I'm the laughing-stock of the school by association. Why me?

* * *

After grabbing two pieces of toast (a growing boy needs his food! And the fact that we wouldn't be able to eat for about five more hours scared me.), I ran to the Charms classroom.

Ok, it was more like running in a maze. A huge maze without a map.

Finally, after about (according to my watch) forty minutes, I found Alex in front of the Charms classrooms.

I gaped at him. "How did you get here so fast?"

Alex giggled again. I worry about him. "I asked a student yesterday! Yay!"

"Uh… Could you stop being so… Giggly?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"Why?" giggled Alex.

"Because of you, we're going to be known as Alex the Giggling Girl and that Malfoy bloke who's his friend."

Alex shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. "Ugh, whatever. Have some… cold toast."

Alex squealed. "I LOVE cold toast!"

He giggles just to annoy me, I just know it.

* * *

After about twenty minutes, we went inside the classroom with about forty other first-years.

"Hello, class!" squeaked… someone. "Welcome to Charms!"

Suddenly, a midget jumped onto the desk. I think someone screamed. In case you're wondering, that someone wasn't me, alright? "I am Professor Flitwick, and I will be teaching you Charms!"

* * *

After checking to see if everyone was her ("Malfoy, Scorpius!" "Here." "We're doing Charms with _Malfoy_?!"), Professor Fishwit or something taught us the Levitating Charm, then had us practice it.

"Wingarium Leviosi!"

"It's 'Leviosa', Mr. Malfoy!"

"Argh! Wingarium Leviosik!"

"'Leviosa, Mr. Malfoy, Leviosa!"

I wanted to levitate Fishwit out the castle and into the apparently dangerous Forbidden Forest. But, being the amazing, calm person I was, I settled for screaming, "WINGARIUM LEVIOSA!" and jabbing my wand at no particular direction.

Tip: When trying to kill your enemy with a feather, I suggest yelling 'Wingarium Leviosa' while jabbing your wand towards said enemy.

Merlin, if Weasley didn't hate me before, she sure did now.

"MY EYE! MY PRECIOUS EYE!"

Everyone froze, including me.

Didn't they say that red-heads had dangerous tempers?

"IT BURNS!"

Why couldn't Weasley go to, I don't know, Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?

"WHOEVER DID THIS WILL DIE!"

R.I.P Scorpius Malfoy. Killed unintentionally by the Sorting Hat. Killed intentionally by Rose Weasley.

Fishwit (actually, maybe it was Flitwick?) looked flustered.

"Mr. Malfoy, could you escort Ms. Weasley to the Hospital Wing?"

"Professor, couldn't someone else-"

"Now, Mr. Malfoy."

"Ugh, fine, Professor."

Weasley was clutching at the general location of her left eye.

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow…"

I grabbed Weasley by the shoulders (I had no intention of seeing her face! Is that wrong?) and started marching her to the Hospital Wing.

* * *

After about twenty minutes, Weasley snarled at me, "Do you even know where the Hospital Wing is?"

Actually, I had no idea where ANYTHING was, but I wasn't about to admit it.

"Of course I do, Weasley, don't YOU?"

Weasley made a growling noise.

"Actually, YES I do, MALFOY! THE HOSPITAL WING IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CASTLE!" shouted Weasley.

"…."

Yes, that was my amazing and witty response. I dare you to do better.

Jeez, people, they say that 'Silence is Golden' for a REASON. Now get off my case and start criticizing Weasley.

"I'm going to be half blind at this rate, Malfoy," snapped Weasley. "Now, come on, this way, donkey-butt."

Did she just call me a DONKEY? BUTT?

She. Will. Pay.

I marched silently, searching for her wand.

Darn, she was holding it.

Oh well. Time to prove that the 'Slytherins are COWARDS!' stereotype wrong.

"Hey, Weasley."

Weasley spun around, glaring at me with one blue eye.

"_What_, Malfoy?"

I started to have serious doubts about this. Just to be safe, I casually got my wand out.

I'm still being amazingly brave! Have YOU ever gone up against an armed and furious girl who's about to become more angry?

"I think you're fat," I mumbled. I AM STILL BEING BRAVE! NO DOUBTS, YOU!

Weasley pointed her wand at me in less than a nano-second.

"EXCUSE ME?!" she screamed. I'm pretty sure she has some banshee in her, there is NO WAY a normal human being can be that loud.

"I. Think. You're. Fat," I said clearly. See? Brave.

"_PETRIFICUS TOTALUS_!"

* * *

You're probably dying to know what happened. No sympathy, people these days.

Basically, Weasley ended up levitating me to the Hospital Wing.

You should've seen Fishwit's face! He was all like, "Amazing levitation, Ms. Weasley! Twenty points to Ravenclaw! And… er… How in the world did Mr. Malfoy get… Never mind, just go."

I am not joking. He actually said that! Grr…

Well, if you heartless people thought that Fishwit was bad, you should've seen Pomfrey.

Well, heard, actually.

She was all like, "Hello, Ms. Weasley. Put Mr. Malfoy over here… A bit to the right… Perfect. Let's see… Feather? Eye? Alright-"Silent, alien Healing spell that only Healers know"-You can go back to class now. No, your vision will not be affected. Oh, yes, I almost forgot about you, Mr. Malfoy! _Finite Incatatem_! You may go to class with Ms. Weasley."

"Ugh, Madame Pomfrey, couldn't you have left him like that until, say, a century after I die?"

"Even if I didn't, Ms. Weasley, the spell would wear off eventually."

"Then why couldn't you have just left him like that until it wore off?"

"Hey, I can hear you, you know!"

It's like she gets people that got attacked by a vicious feather and people who got attacked by a vicious person every day!

Fine, she probably DOES, but still!

Rose Weasley is a short-tempered PRICK.


	3. Get Detention With Her

**3. Get a detention with her. At the risk of getting murdered by your dad.**

"Charms was a disaster!" I ranted to Alex.

Alex nodded sagely. "I can't believe she used the Full-Body Bind Curse on you!" he giggled.

It's getting annoying. I'm considering using the Imperius Curse on him. I'm that desperate.

"Ok, we have… uh… er… oh! Transfiguration!" I said. "With the RAVENCLAWS again?"

Alex beamed. "Let's GOEY!"

After ten minutes of fruitless searching, Alex and I started to get desperate.

"They're all first-years like us," I moaned. "How are we going to find the classroom?"

Suddenly, like a miracle, I spotted a tall person amongst the waves of firsties.

I ran up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me, could you AHH!"

The tall girl and Weasley turned around. "MALFOY!"

The tall girl snickered. "Ooh, is this the famous 'Malfoy Brat' we've been hearing about?"

Weasley turned red. "Shut up, _Dominique_."

Dominique scowled. Apparently she didn't like that name. "Because I'm the kindest cousin in the world, I'll show you BOTH where the Transfiguration classroom is. C'mon."

* * *

We barely made it to the classroom on time.

"Alright, toodles!" waved Dominique.

Weasley scowled at her. "You're so mean, Mini!"

Mini shrugged. "Curse him again, will you?"

There's a conspiracy against me.

"Hello, everyone, I am Professor McGonagall," greeted Professor McGonagall.

Suddenly, she started lecturing us. "Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts. Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

Everyone (except for yours truly- actually, scratch that, I'm not owned by you) looked nervous.

After taking tons and tons of notes (my whole BODY has a cramp from writing that much), McGonagall finally let us actually DO something.

"C'mon, you stupid match, turn pointy!"

"The match HATES me! There's no other explanation!"

"I studied SO hard! Why isn't it working?" I'm guessing that was a Ravenclaw.

"ARGH!"

"Turn pointy, you stupid matchy!"

"I did it!" NOOO! Weasley!

"Oh yeah? I did it too!" Yeah, HA, Weasley! I did it too!

Weasley glared daggers, no, arrows, no FLAMING arrows, no, FLAMING POISON arrows at me.

"Oh yeah? Let me see it!"

I smugly showed her my PERFECT needle.

Weasley turned bright red.

"ENGORGIO! OPUNGO!" Suddenly, her needle grew to the size of a SWORD and flew at me.

I yelped, and ducked. The sword-needle quivered ominously on the wall.

I decided to try the same thing.

"Um, Engorgio? Opungo?"

Weasley screamed and ducked as well.

"Ooh, Malfoy, I am going to MURDER you!" yelled Weasley.

Weasley tugged the huge needle out of the wall and charged at me. I did the same.

"FREEZE!"

Everyone froze. Well, actually, everyone except for us were frozen anyway, so Weasley and I were the only ones who actually froze.

McGonagall looked beyond furious. "A MONTH OF DETENTION AND FIFTY POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN AND RAVENCLAW FOR TRYING TO MURDER EACH OTHER!"

All of the Ravenclaws and Slytherins glared at us.

* * *

_I will not try to murder Weasley. I will not try to murder Weasley._

I looked over at Weasley's parchment.

_I will not try to murder Malfoy. I will not try to murder Malfoy._

I smirked, then whispered an incantation. I looked over at her parchment again.

_Scorpius is awesome. Scorpius is awesome._

_**Two hours later…**_

McGonagall took our parchment. "You may go."

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha.

* * *

_**The next day…**_

"Ms. Weasley!"

I smirked.

Weasley looked up. "Yes, Professor?" she said innocently.

Faux innocence. Weasley is in NO WAY innocent.

I muttered "Sonurus." What? You thought Weasley was the only who studied? Ridiculous.

"What is this?"

Weasley looked confused. "The lines I wrote for detention?"

Everyone in the Great Hall was listening now.

"What were you supposed to write, Weasley?" said McGonagall mildly.

"Er, 'I will not try to murder Malfoy'?"

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Then, please tell me why you wrote 'Scorpius is awesome'."

The whole Hall was silent.

Weasley paled, then suddenly turned bright red.

"MALFOY!"

I yelped, and ran for the Slytherin common room.

"FURNUCULUS! STUPEFY! PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! WINGARIUM LEVIOSA!" screamed Weasley.

What was that spell again? "PROTEGO!"

* * *

Oh, shut up. So what if I failed? At least Weasley got Stunned.

Jeez, so needy these days.

"Stop glaring at me, Weasley!"

"I hate you!"


	4. Crash Into Her On A Broomstick

**4. Crash into each other on a broomstick. A good way to build your relationship with each other.**

"Come ON, Alex, hurry!" I yelled sprinting outside. Alex good-naturedly walked behind me.

I groaned. "We're going to be late for flying lessons! At the very least, we're going to get the bad broomsticks."

Alex shrugged. "According to the second years, all of the broomsticks are slow and uncoordinated anyway, so what's the rush?"

"Fine, let me rephrase that. I want to get a broom that ISN'T basically a stick with a charm on it."

"Aren't all brooms basically sticks with charms on them?"

I felt my eyebrow twitching. "I want to get a broom that isn't a health hazard. Now, hurry up, or else I'll abandon you and run for it," I snapped.

Alex rolled his eyes (*GASP* A sign of irritation! Finally.) and sprinted with me.

* * *

"Say 'Up' to get your broomstick into your hands," commanded Madam Hooch.

"Up!"

Since I've been playing Quidditch since I was about seven with my dad, my shabby broomstick leapt into my hands. I examined it closely.

The broomstick had the words _'Comet 260'_ across it in faded gold letters. The twigs on the end were bent in wild directions. The wood was splintered, but overall, I figured that my broom was one of the best in the class. Which was sad, really.

After about five minutes ("Up, you stupid broom! Ugh, if Malfoy can do it, so can I!"), Hooch instructed us on how to fly. After another couple of minutes ("You aren't supposed to hold it like that, Mr. Zabini!") we soared into the air.

* * *

I flew decently, considering that my broomstick probably should've been thrown away years ago.

I soared around in bored circles, and spotted Weasley on a thing that could be barely classified as a broom.

Let's put it this way. If I was riding trash, Weasley was riding a deathstick.

Weasley clumsily flew around in circles, trying not to fall off. Considering that she was riding a deathstick, she was ok, I guess.

Suddenly, the Deathstick veered towards my direction.

"Excuse me! Crazy broom coming through! AHHH!"

I yelped, and dived towards the ground.

Weasley's broom is evil. There is no doubt about it. The Deathstick suddenly stopped, then, like it had a mind of its own, chased us (My broom and I). Weasley screamed.

"HELP! THIS BROOM IS CRAZY!"

Of course, being evil and all, right before we reached the ground, the Deathstick put on a burst of speed that made it temporarily faster than the _Aerodynamic 100_ (Just came out last month. In case you were wondering, it can go up to 600 MPH. How can the Deathstick suddenly go that fast?!).

Weasley crashed into me, and since I was literally about two feet above the ground, she slammed me into the ground.

"OWWW!"

Hooch flew over to us, looking slightly pale. "Can you both get up?"

Weasley, wincing, got up. She rubbed her arm painfully.

I wasn't as lucky. "Oww, I can't," I hissed, my eyes half-open.

Hooch and Weasley winced.

"You were both pushed to the ground at about 200 miles per hour. I believe, since Ms. Weasley can get up, that you took the brunt of the damage," said Hooch.

All of the Slytherins and Ravenclaws who were gathered around gasped.

"200 miles per hour? I wouldn't want to be Scorpius right now…"

"Is Malfoy going to die?"

"Is his arm SUPPOSED to look like that?"

Hooch looked me over. "You have…. About six broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken leg, a fractured leg, and you know what? I don't even think I want to know. Let's go to Madam Pomfrey, Mr. Malfoy."

I lost consciousness.

* * *

"Malfoy? Hey, Malfoy, wake up."

The voice sounded familiar….

"Madam Pomfrey, is he going to be OK?" asked…. Alex. Who was the other person, then?

"He took quite a lot of damage, but he should be as good as new in about a month." That was Pomfrey.

Curious, I opened my eyes.

A pair of dark blue eyes stared back at me. "Oh, you're awake, Malfoy."

In case you didn't know, Alex has olive green eyes. Also in case you didn't know, Weasley has dark blue eyes.

I blinked again, and suddenly the world was thrust into HD.

"Oh, hi, Weasley," I said. I know, I'm brilliant.

Weasley blinked too. "Yeah… hi, Malfoy."

"What're you doing here?" I asked. Hey, I was curious. Curiosity killed the cat…. Uh, yeah, OK, that was a bad example. But on the bright side, I'm not a cat.

"Oh, er, well, you took most of the damage, but I got a fractured wrist and twisted my ankle, so I had to stay here for a few days."

I groaned. "How long have I been out?"

Alex stepped in. "About a week. I brought you your homework."

With that, Alex-my-former-best-friend betrayed me and plopped a mountain sized pile of parchment and textbooks onto my desk.

"Alex, best friends aren't supposed to come and give their injured friend a mountain sized pile of homework! They're supposed to come and give said injured friend a mountain sized pile of CANDY!" I said, horrified by the pile.

Alex shrugged. "Would you rather get kicked out of school?"

"On the other hand, homework sounds nice right now," I said hastily, grabbing a quill.

Weasley snickered. I glared at her.

"Weasley, don't YOU have any homework to do?" I said innocently.

Weasley smirked. "I finished it all. It's only you who has to do a mountain sized pile of homework."

"Drat."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for not updating, I was busy drawing the cover art for this story. Also, I'll be traveling a lot this month, so I might not update for a long time.**


	5. Fall Off The Astronomy Tower Together

**5. Fall off the Astronomy Tower together. No, we weren't… doing romantic stuff! Get those thoughts out of your head!**

"Scorpius. Scorpius. Scorpius! SCORPIUS WAKE UP!"

I woke up, blinking my eyes and trying not to fall asleep again. Why is the Slytherin common room SO DARK? And so MURKY GREEN?

"Uh. Hi?"

What in the world is wrong with Alex? Every growing boy needs his sleep!

"We're going to be late for Astronomy if we don't go…. In two minutes," said Alex.

I take back my second-to-last comment.

I yelped, much to the amusement of the older Slytherins. Seriously, I could hear their giggling from the other side of the common room.

"What time is it?" I asked.

Alex bit his lip (another sign of annoyance! I'm getting good at this. Wait, is biting your lip annoyance?). "Er… eight-fifty."

"What?! Do you know how TALL the Astronomy Tower is? We need to scram! Now!" I screamed.

Alex nodded and ran out the common room with me.

* * *

Halfway up the Astronomy Tower, we collapsed on the steep, stone stairs. I swear it should be illegal for stairs to be so steep.

"Ugh… Can't… Go… On… Any… Longer," I gasped.

I am not out of shape! I'd like to see YOU climb the tallest tower in Hogwarts! And the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Towers are pretty tall. To be able to beat THAT...

That, folks, is why there are no fat people in Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. And since first year Slytherins have to climb SEVEN flights of stairs twice a day…

No wonder those Hufflepuffs are pudgy.

Alex grimaced. "It's eight-fifty-eight."

I cursed. "I hate Astronomy."

* * *

Nine minutes later, we made it to the top of the Tower, wheezing and gasping.

Professor Sinistra looked at us disapprovingly. "Ten points from Slytherin, Mr. Malfoy and Guadis."

I groaned, but didn't say anything. Alex and I grabbed a telescope next to each other.

"Sorry, Alex," I whispered.

Alex nodded. "It's OK, I fell asleep too."

"Mr. Malfoy!"

I yelped. The GryffinDORKs laughed. Idiots.

Aaand, that was like the most unoriginal insult in history.

I scowled, then quickly put on an innocent expression. "Yes?"

Professor Sinistra glared at me. "Identify that star over there!" she barked, pointing at one of the millions of stars in the sky that no one cared about.

I squinted. It looked identical to every other star. "Er…."

Sinistra sighed. "I would've thought that even you, Mr. Malfoy, would know THAT one."

Hey! We aren't all astronomy buffs! Jeez.

Well, at least she gave me a hint. Let's see… "Uh, Ursa… Major?"

Alex groaned, shaking his head. Oops. Must have been Minor.

I heard a few students snickering.

Sinistra sighed.

"Mr. Malfoy, I have, in over three decades of teaching, have never had a student mistake the ARMPIT for the BEAR," said Sinistra.

There's an armpit?

"That star is Ascella."

Oh.

Stop giggling, Gryffindumbs! Ugh, so hard to come up with a good one. Scrapping that one…

"Would anyone like to tell me why Mr. Malfoy is incorrect?" asked Sinistra.

Before anyone could answer, WEASLEY arrived. WEASLEY! Of all people, WEASLEY!

"Hi, Professor!" said WEASLEY. "Here are the books you sent for! And to answer your question, first of all, Ursa Major is a constellation, not a star. Second of all-"

"Weasley!" I whined. Oh, be quiet, you'd whine too if your arch-nemesis appeared out of thin air. "Of all people for Pince to send, it had to be YOU!"

Weasley whipped around.

"At least I didn't mistake a bear constellation for a star that represents an ARMPIT," she sneered.

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you implying something, Weasley?"

Weasley smirked. "Even an INFANT knows that Ursa Major is a constellation, stupid."

I glared at her. "Stupid? That's a lot, coming from you."

Weasley's eyes widened. She got her wand out.

Being ever the vigilant one, I got mine out as well.

"Ms. Weasley! Mr. Malfoy! Stop right this instant!" screeched Sinistra.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?" screamed Weasley.

"MAYBE I AM!" I yelled back.

"I AM A BILLION TIMES SMARTER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, MALFOY!" bellowed Weasley, looking like she wanted to murder me.

"KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT, WEASLEY!" I bellowed back.

"Worse than Lily and James…" mumbled Sinistra. Lily? James? Wait, Lily Potter didn't even go to Hogwarts yet! And I'm pretty sure James Potter didn't argue with/try to kill someone named Lily, even if Sinistra wasn't talking about Lily Potter.

Before I could figure out what she meant, Weasley fired a curse at me.

I ducked, and was about to hex her back when I tripped.

Shut up. They say it takes IMMENSE talent to trip over a flat surface.

I practically flew onto Weasley.

Normally, this wouldn't have been a life-threatening problem (OK, it would have been to me, but that girl needs anger management or something), but Weasley was standing right at the edge of the IMMENSLEY TALL Tower.

You should've heard everyone screaming. I sure didn't. Why?

My eardrums burst from Weasley's screeching.

She was falling RIGHT next to me! Why me?

Right when I thought that we were going to die, Professor Sinistra came to her senses and levitated us in midair, then slowly levitated us back onto the Astronomy Tower.

Sinistra's face was white. I'm serious, WHITE. Before she could say anything, I blacked out.

* * *

"Rose, how do you get into these situations with Malfoy? You've been here FOUR times! And it's only been a week!"

I opened my eyes groggily. A blurry blob with blurry black hair was talking to a red-headed blurry blob, and a blurry blob with brown hair and blurry blob-ish olive green eyes was looking at me. A blurry blob in white was flitting around, terrorizing the other blurry blobs who were in blurry rectangles.

I blinked. HD version:

Al Potter the Hufflepuff (explains the 'fat man' bit) was talking to Rose Weasley. Alex Guadis looked at me, concerned, with his olive green eyes. Madame Pomfrey flitted around, scolding the other students for their carelessness, while the students were cowering in their beds.

Alex looked relieved. "Hi, Scorpius. You gave me a HUGE shock when you fell off the Astronomy Tower," he said cheerfully.

Uh oh… This sounded familiar…

"Here's your homework, Scorpius!"

"Alex!"

* * *

**A/N: So, hi everyone! Since I'm going to Europe really soon, this might be the last update for a while. Sorry.**

**I looked over this chapter and realized that Rose sounded pretty mean, so I would just like to remind you that this is Scorpius' POV, so he's just portraying Rose as he sees her, a snobby know-it-all who enjoys terrorizing him.**

**Also, I've been revising chapters before I post them, but if you find a mistake (grammar, spelling, etc.) please don't hesitate to tell me via review or PM.**

**-Dragon**


	6. Get Chased By A Plant That Eats Humans

**6. Get chased by a Carnivorous Running Plant. Where did THAT come from anyway?**

"Herbology! Nothing bad can happen to me here, right?" I asked Alex, beaming.

After that unlucky streak in my first week (really, who falls off the ASTRONOMY Tower?), my time at Hogwarts had been accident free for about three months. Today was the last day before winter break.

"There are an awful lot of plants who want to kill you in Herbology, but I'm sure they're just misunderstood plants who just need some love," said Alex optimistically.

It's UNNATURAL how happy that guy is. I still think he overdoses on happy pills every day.

"I was talking about Weasley," I explained. "Not the blood-thirsty plants out for my… well, blood."

Alex beamed. "Whatever! Let's go to HERBOLOGY!" With that, he skipped off to the greenhouses, humming some weird tune.

A Gryffindor stared at him, then me.

"Stop staring, you!" I barked. "This is completely normal!"

The Gryffindork boy who was staring at me (oh, shut up. It's HARD to make up a good insult for them!) rolled his eyes, and went back to chatting to his other Gryffindork friend.

Idiots.

* * *

"So, hello, class!" said Professor Longbottom cheerfully. "Last week, an old professor of mine gave me a very rare plant called the Carnivorous Running Plant! Isn't it exciting? Did you know that if they ate a human, they could fully digest him or her in two hours?" He beamed and conjured a huge, yellow plant with a head that looked like a clam out of thin air (figuratively!). The plant opened its clam-head, revealing large, dagger-like teeth that could probably rip our gamekeeper (Hagrid, I think) into pieces easily.

All of the Slytherins and Ravenclaws started inching away from him.

Professor Longbottom didn't seem to notice. "Since I only got one, I'm afraid only one lucky pair can work with it." Everyone let out a sigh of relief. They probably thought that he got one for everyone. I sure did.

Professor Longbottom sighed. "I know, I know, you're all disappointed, but it's alright, I have plenty of other plants for you."

I, along with the whole class, looked at him incredulously. This man was SERIOUSLY deluded.

Disappointed, ha. Maybe RELIEVED that we don't have to risk our lives taking care of a plant?

"Since it should be fair, I'll draw two names randomly, a boy and a girl," he said waving his wand and conjuring (literally this time) two random pieces of parchment from thin air.

Everyone held their breath as Longbottom read the first parchment.

"Rose Weasley!" Weasley looked like someone had told her that her mother had died.

"And…." He paused dramatically. Everyone started going pale.

"Scorpius Malfoy!"

My. Life. Has. Ended.

I looked over at Weasley.

She looked like she wanted to murder someone.

Being the smart person I was, I started scooting away from her.

Longbottom the Deluded just beamed like he was giving us a million Galleons instead of a man-eating plant. "Have fun, you two! Oh, so lucky!"

I looked up hopefully.

"It's okay, you can take care of it, sir," I offered generously.

Weasley nodded (THAT'S a first).

"The plant would absolutely LOVE being under your care," she said hopefully.

Yes, Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy worked together without trying to kill each other. Stop looking so amazed.

You know what they say: Desperate needs call for desperate measures.

Longbottom shook his head. "No, I couldn't bring myself to depriving you two of such an experience."

Yeah, a near-death experience.

All of the Slytherins and Ravenclaws except for Alex the Also Deluded looked at Weasley and me sympathetically.

"You're so lucky!" exclaimed Alex the Deluded.

"You can have it!" I said.

Alex shook his head. "No, I know you want to. You can take care of it."

"Alex, I want to do this as much as I want to snog Weasley," I said sarcastically.

Weasley glared at me. "I'd rather take the plant," she snapped.

Longbottom didn't seem to notice us trying to kill each other.

"Here you go!" With that, Longbottom plopped the dangerous, man-eating plant into my arms.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" I yelled. "GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"

I threw it at Weasley. Not on purpose, you idiot! I just threw it far away from me. Getting Weasley was a bonus.

Being the clumsy fool she was, Weasley screamed and dropped it.

Longbottom screamed as well. Something about "THE POOR PLANT!"

The pot the plant was in cracked open. The plant's roots suddenly slithered out of the pot and acted like a pair of legs.

Basically, the plant stood up.

The cowardly IDIOTS (Slytherin and Ravenclaw) all screamed like a bunch of Weasleys (Rose Weasley, though I heard that her cousin, Fred Weasley, had a high-pitched scream as well) and stampeded out the greenhouse.

Professor Longbottom cursed (that man knows A LOT of bad words…) and ran out to get them back.

* * *

The plant swiveled its ugly head around, and locked on to Weasley and I.

"Do. Not. Move," said Weasley quietly, eyeing the plant nervously.

"Do. You. Think. I'm. In-sane?" I hissed back, also eyeing the plant nervously.

"Yes. But. We'll. Settle. This. When. We. Aren't. In. Danger. Of. Getting. Eaten," growled Weasley.

The plant probably would've ran somewhere else when the stupid Venomous Tentacula hadn't grabbed Weasley's neck and tried to strangle her.

Weasley, completely forgetting about the dangerous killing machine three feet away from us, choked and somehow managed to make a high pitched noise.

I swear the plant smiled before lunging towards us.

"WEASLEY! RUUN!" I screamed. Weasley fell onto her knees, desperately trying to stop the Venomous Tentacula from killing her, her wand laying uselessly on the ground.

Before I could light a fire, the stupid Carnivorous Running Plant disarmed us.

I am not kidding. That thing has a brain.

It grabbed Weasley's wand from the floor with its roots and snatched mine away from me.

Utilizing my 'lesson' from Professor Longbottom, I cursed and yelled, "GET ON, WEASLEY!"

"W-what?" choked Weasley.

"GET ON MY BACK OR DIE!"

She opened her mouth to retort when the C. R. Plant bit her arm.

I kicked the plant, and Weasley swiftly got on, wrestling with the Venomous Tentacula.

I sprinted out the door with the Running Plant hot on my trail.

A few minutes later, Weasley rasped, "You need to climb a tree! The plant will tire you out and kill us both!"

"There's no tree near-"Before I finished the sentence, I spotted a willow thrashing around.

"So, Weasley, do you want certain death or serious pain?"

"Daarn, it's the Whomping Willow, isn't it?"

* * *

I ran towards the Whomping Willow with a plant out to kill me and a red-headed girl screaming that I was suicidal. Did I mention that said girl had ANOTHER plant trying to kill her at the same time?

Yay.

Right before we got into the Willow's branches attack range, I gritted my teeth and said, "Hold on tight, Weasley."

"I am going to KILL you after this," Weasley growled.

I sprinted towards the knot in the Willow that my dad had told me about.

A branch leapt out and tried to trip me, but I jumped, then ducked to avoid another branch.

"Come on, we're almost- ACK!" I screamed then collapsed.

That's what happens when a stupid plant bites you and a tree whips you at the same time.

"MALFOY! THE STUPID PLANT IS-"

I cut off Weasley. "Weasley, if you care about NOT getting killed by three plants, TOUCH THAT KNOT!"

Weasley looked at me like I was insane, but touched the knot. Immediately, one of the plants stopped trying to kill us.

Weasley, despite fighting a Venomous Tentacula, kicked the Carnivorous Running Plant away from us and managed to drag me into the passageway before the Whomping Willow unfroze.

I groaned and managed to get up. I winced and looked at my leg.

Let's just say that it looked bad.

"Malfoy, a little help here?" hissed Weasley, still looking like she was wrestling with a vine. Probably because she was.

I crawled over to Weasley. "Er, let's see…. Have any matches on you?"

Weasley stared at me. "I thought you were pure-blood?"

"…So?"

Weasley rolled her eyes. "Yeah, a MALFOY knowing what a MATCH is used for is perfectly normal."

"You're right, my last name isn't that common."

"Hopeless case- OH MY MERLIN I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING!"

I looked at her hopefully. "James Potter and Fred Weasley jumped off the Astronomy Tower and broke their necks?"

"Unfortunately, no, but I have a matchstick on me!"

I stared at her. "Do I even want to know how?"

"Never mind HOW, just get it out and light it!" she hissed.

"Well, where is it?"

"In my pockets, I don't know which one. My grandfather enchanted it so that I would always have one in my pocket just in case."

I suddenly blushed, then plunged my hands into her pockets, feeling like a pervert but probably saving her life at the same time.

"Yes! Found it!"

Weasley gave me the evil eye. "Well, genius, LIGHT IT!"

I glared at her, but lit the match. The top of the match burst into flame, making the Tentacula recoil and slither away.

Weasley rubbed her neck, muttering under her breath.

"Well, Weasley, since we can't exactly go out, exploring time?"

Weasley scowled, but got up and followed me to the Shrieking Shack.

* * *

When we got inside, Weasley gasped. "This is the Shrieking Shack!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, genius, this is the Shrieking Shack."

Weasley was about to retort, but suddenly said, "Wait, what's that!" and pointed at a slab of stone that looked like serpentine.

"I have no idea, Weasley, I don't exactly come here every day," I said sarcastically, but followed Weasley towards the stone.

"It has writing on it! "Here lies-'" Weasley gasped. "'Here lies… _Severus Snape_, a hero forever.'"

My mouth felt dry. "Of course. Professor Snape-"

"Professor?" asked Weasley.

"He was the Head of Slytherin during my dad's time, so we still call him 'Professor', now shut up and let me finish. Professor Snape was killed here by the Dark Lord," I croaked, recalling the horrible story my grandfather had told me when I was younger.

"_Dark-_" Before Weasley could finish, I said, "My whole family calls him the 'Dark Lord', so I just picked it up from them."

"Oh. Well, that's kind of creepy…" mumbled Weasley.

Before I could say anything, Professor Longbottom burst into the Shrieking Shack along with Professor McGonagall.

"Are you two-" I blacked out before Longbottom could finish.

* * *

I woke up and saw a strange scene.

Two blurry blobs, one with a white blob on top and one who had olive green blurry eyes were looking at me. A group of blobs with black and red blobby hair were chattering with a blob with red blobby hair. A blob was terrorizing several other blobs who were cowering in their blobby rectangle things.

I blinked, and the world was thrust into HD.

Professor McGonagall and Alex were looking at me with concern, the Weasley/Potter clan were chattering with Weasley, and Madam Pomfrey was terrorizing students who cowered in their beds.

Madam Abbot, who was training to be the school nurse after Pomfrey left, came into the room and saw that my eyes were open.

"Mr. Malfoy! Excellent, you're awake!" Abbot beamed.

Zabini and I had discussed seriously the possibilities that Abbot was also on happy pills along with Alex.

"Well, let's see, you had a bitten leg and was very tired, but even though you're all better now, I think you'd better stay in the Hospital Wing for a while." Abbot said this all in one breathe.

Madam Abbot's actual name was Longbottom, since she was married to Professor Longbottom, but since it was a little confusing to have two Longbottoms, the whole school just called her Madam Abbot.

The whole school ALSO thinks that Abbot is actually worse than Pomfrey because she tells you that you're as good as new, then insists that you stay for a few more days and be bored out of your mind.

Before I could protest, McGonagall broke in. "I'm glad to see that you're all better, Mr. Malfoy. Professor Longbottom was attacked by a group of Hippogriffs, which is why he couldn't rescue you and Ms. Weasley sooner. He wanted to check on you as well, but he had classes to teach. Oh, and fifty points to Slytherin for bravery in the face of danger."

I choked, but she left before I could say anything.

Alex beamed. "Well_, that's_ something you don't hear every day! Also…"

I groaned. "Alex, I almost DIED!"

"Here's your homework!"

"ALEX!"

* * *

**A/N: I am so sorry I didn't update, I had a writing block and didn't know how to finish this chapter.**

**After this, I'm going to skip directly to Rose and Scorpius' seventh year. **

**Please review!**

**-Dragon**


	7. Bite Her

**A/N: About the last chapter and how I said I would be skipping to seventh year... **

**I lied.**

**Ok, actually, I WAS, but then I found this just sitting there. After a little thinking, I pondered on making this a one-shot, but decided to put this in here. Enjoy!**

* * *

**7. Bite them. Stop laughing!**

I woke up to the sound of Zabini screaming murder, Higgs laughing then screaming as Zabini... did something that involved water, and Alex yelling, "VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER!"

Basically, it was a peaceful day.

I mean, usually it's Zabini tackling Higgs and/or hexing him, Higgs diving into my bed, me screaming, and Alex yelling, "WE'RE TWENTY MINUTES LATE!"

Oh, did I mention that we're all in third year now?

In case you're wondering, I took:

Care of Magical Creatures (it sounds cool)

Arithmancy (I like math. Deal with it.)

Ancient Runes (It sounds cool too.)

Usually this would be an awesome schedule, but since I'm the LUCKIEST guy on Earth, obviously Rose Weasley had to take all those subjects too.

AND I'm trying to avoid her. ESPECIALLY since the 'Man-Eating Plant' incident.

Ha ha. Laugh.

So, er, on to the story.

* * *

We arrived in time to get our time-tables (worst pun ever) from Professor Finch-Fletchley and watch others get theirs as well.

"Parkinson! Catch! Ooh, sorry, let me fix that…"

"AHH! IT BURNS!"

"Sewlyn! Catch! Ouch, I'd go to the Hospital Wing if I were you, sorry…"

"MY EYE!"

"Salamen! Catch! Sorry, I'll heal that too…"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US, YOU CRAZY MAN?!"

"Five points from Slytherin! Um, where was I? Oh yes; Guadis, catch!"

Alex caught the flying time-table perfectly, which he never could have done if he wasn't a Chaser like me.

Finch-Fletchley cheered.

"Oh! Malfoy! Catch!"

I yelped, but managed to catch it as well, thanking my reflexes fervently.

Tip: Never try to catch flying, SHARP parchment. There's a reason why almost everyone in Slytherin from third year and older has a parchment-cut.

The lucky first and second years, however... Finch-Fletchley just passes the time-tables out to them normally.

Does anyone else think it's strange that Finch-Fletchley only does this at OUR table?

The poor firsties look traumatized now.

* * *

Twenty parchment-cut Slytherins and fifty points taken away for yelling profanity at Finch-Fletchley later, Alex and I started comparing our schedules.

"So, Scorpy, where are you going right now?" asked Alex cheerfully.

I still think Alex overdoses on happy pills every day (believe it or not, we wizards and witches do have happy pills. They're all yellow, and round, and have creepy smiley faces on them. Why won't anyone listen to me? Happy pills are going to take over the world!).

"Hmm, let's see…" I looked at my time-table. "Care of Magical Creatures with the Ravenclaws. Ugh, why do all of the FUN classes have Weasley in them?" Yes, I memorized her schedule, no, I am not planning to stalk her. Jeez, people.

Alex shrugged, still beaming. "Karma, I guess. I have Care of Magical Creatures too! Let's go!"

* * *

"So, hello, ever'one!" beamed Professor… Hagrid. See, I remembered!

Uh, back to the story?

"Welcome to Care o' Magical Creatures! I'm Professor Hagrid, and today we'll be workin' on Hippogriffs!"

Wait, didn't my dad tell me a story about him getting beat up by a Hippogriff? Named… Buckbeak, I think.

Hagrid brought out around seven to eight horse-eagle animals which I assumed were 'Hippogriffs'.

"So, do any o' you lot know how to approach a Hippogriff?" asked Hagrid.

I don't know, Professor, that's why I took this class. To learn HOW TO.

As usual, Know-It-All Weasley's hand shot up like a rocket. 3, 2, 1 BLAST-OFF!

"Ro- I mean Ms. Weasley?" said Hagrid.

"The correct way to approach a Hippogriff is by bowing. If the Hippogriff doesn't bow back, you should move backwards immediately," recited Weasley.

I snorted. "Weasley, if you already know everything to know about magical creatures, why even BOTHER ruining my life by taking this class?" I snapped.

Weasley spun around, her blue eyes sweeping the crowd of students for her target. "YOU!"

Professor Hagrid frowned and started to say something. "Look, I know yeh two don't exactly have a reputation for bein' civil to each other, but-"

"WHAT ARE _YOU_ DOING HERE?" shouted Weasley.

I completely lost my temper. What a stupid question. How did she even get Sorted into Ravenclaw? Bribery? Shameless begging?

"I decided to TAKE THIS CLASS, WEASLEY! DUH!" I shouted back.

All of the Slytherins and most of the Ravenclaws looked like they agreed with me. I mean, seriously, DUH, Weasley!

Before Weasley could retort, Hagrid intervened. "ALRIGHT! QUIET, YOU TWO!"

We didn't say anything, but we gave each other withering glares when Hagrid wasn't looking.

* * *

"Alright, yeh lot, who wants to ride ol' Beakbuck here?" offered Hagrid.

Beakbuck? Before I could ponder on it, though, Weasley smirked at me like she was thinking 'cowardly Malfoy' (she probably was, the jerk) and walked up to Beakbuck the Hippogriff.

Uh, yeah, sure I'll sit there and do NOTHING while my rival one-ups me.

I ran to Beakbuck, trying to get there before her, and bowed at the same time as Weasley.

Beakbuck looked pleased for some unknown Hippogriff-y reason, and bowed to both of us.

Weasley and I glared at each other, determined to ride Beakbuck first.

So, of course, we got on Beakbuck at the same time.

"Ugh, get OFF Malfoy!"

"No way, Weasley!

"I was here FIRST, Malfoy! Now GET OFF!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Well, off yeh go, Beaky!"

Wait, WHAT?

Weasley obviously felt the same way, as she gaped at Hagrid too.

Hagrid suddenly for some INSANE reason, SLAPPED a very DANGEROUS Hippogriff, and said DANGEROUS Hippogriff suddenly took off into the air.

"MERLIN'S PANTS! AHHH!" That was me, by the way.

"HELP! SOMEONE! NINE-ONE-ONE!-"Wait, nine what what?"-HAGRID IS CRAZY! HEEEEEELLLLPPP!"

That WASN'T me, by the way.

Rose suddenly started screaming again. "I'M FALLING!"

I cursed. "OH FOR THE SAKE OF MERLIN, WEASLEY-"

Weasley cut me off and sort of hugged me. Ugh, cooties! "MALFOY, HELP ME!"

I felt myself falling. "WEASLEY, GET OFF OF ME, WE'RE BOTH GOING TO FALL THIS WA—AAHHH!"

* * *

In case you were wondering, that was me FALLING TO MY DEATH BECAUSE OF ROSE WEASLEY by the way.

Rose: "AHHHH!"

Me: "AHHHHHH!"

Ground: "FWOOSH!"

Wait, 'FWOOSH'? Isn't it supposed to be 'THUMP CRACK' to signify that we landed and broke all of our bones?

I tried to get up gingerly. Unfortunately, Weasley was still HUGGING me and sobbing her heart out.

* * *

_Was flying that terrifying?_

**_Uh, yes, Scorpius, it was. In fact, if this was your first time flying, you probably would've gotten a serious flying-phobia or whatever they call it and NEVER LIKE/PLAY QUIDDITCH AGAIN!_**

_Am I having a conversation with myself? I must be going insane because of Weasley._

**_Oh, shut up, you._**

* * *

Suddenly, Weasley let go of me and glared at me. "YOU!"

Oh Merlin. "What?"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! ARGH!" Weasley suddenly punched me in the mouth.

My eyes were probably the size of oranges. "MMPHH!"

Look, I know that there's this old saying 'Never hurt a girl', but have you been punched in the MOUTH before?

When you're punched in the mouth, this thing called _instinct_ kicks in.

I bit her.

"OWWW!" screamed Weasley.

"You can't blame me for biting you!" I yelled.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PUNCHED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Hagrid intervened again. "Hospital Wing, yeh two."

* * *

**_I hope that wasn't her first time flyng._**

_Yeah..._

_Wait, WHAT? Since when am I concerned about WEASLEY?_

* * *

**A/N: Ok, for real this time, I am skipping directly to seventh year. **

**Review review!**

**-Dragon**


	8. Realize That You Have To Work With Her

**8. Realize that you have to work with her for a year. IT ISN'T FUNNY!**

About six and half years had passed since the 'Man-Eating Plant' incident. After that, Weasley and I stayed far away from each other.

Of course, about three years after staying away from each other, we were forced to ride a Hippogriff together then almost die again.

But for real, after that, I barely saw her and vice-versa.

So, anyways, BACK TO THE STORY!

* * *

There I was, ready to board the train to Hogwarts for the last time, but there was one problem.

Mum.

I probably should've seen it coming, seeing how she acted when I got my letter.

Before I could escape and leave Dad to tend to her, Mum said, "Oh, my baby Scorpius is all grown up!" and started crying.

Dad and I rolled our eyes. Talk about embarrassing.

"Astoria, this is the- How many times now, Scorpius?"

"Er, at least two hundredth," I answered honestly.

"Two hundredth time you've said this! We get it now!" Dad said in exasperation.

"But my baby Scorpius is an ADULT now!" she sobbed.

Al the Hufflepuff smirked at me as he passed by, mouthing "Baby Scorpius".

I groaned. Time to take some action before I became known as 'Baby Scorpius' for eternity.

"Dad, I know Mum means well, but she's slowly ruining my reputation-"

Mum let out another howl about "Baby Scorpius". People turned and stared at us.

"Ok, FORGET slowly. She's destroying my reputation single-handedly! Could you, you know, get her back home and let her vent there?" I hissed, wishing I was invisible.

Dad's expression told me that he was wishing the same thing.

"Scorpius, the last time she vented in the Manor, half the items in it were destroyed!" he hissed back, referring to the time when he made Mum vent about 'her baby Scorpius going to Hogwarts!' in the Manor.

"If she vents there THIS time, the whole Manor will be destroyed, and your grandmother will murder me!"

I bit my lip. As much as I cared about my reputation (ok, more like as much as I cared about NOT being called 'Baby Scorpius' for the rest of my life), I preferred having a home and Dad alive.

A voice that sounded like Al but NOT like Al at the same time called out, "Trouble, Draco?"

Suddenly, I got a genius idea.

I answered before my dad could. Time to count on the famous Harry Potter's 'saving-people thing' everyone talked about.

"Mr. Potter, my mum is… _upset_ about me becoming an adult. And… she's kind of ruining our reputation, and I'm probably going to be known as 'Baby Scorpius' and my dad is probably going to be known as 'That Poor Man With An Unstable Wife Who Calls Her Seventeen-Year-Old _Baby Scorpius'_ for the rest of our lives unless you do something about it!" I gasped out the last part, making myself look desperate, which sadly wasn't that hard.

Dad nodded so hard that he looked like those rock stars that try to shake off their heads I saw on TV at Alex's house.

Mr. Potter looked like he was going to die laughing, but he managed to form a coherent sentence.

"I'll take her to my house and have her Floo back to your house once she's calmed down. Goodbye!"

With that, Mr. Potter took Mum's hand and Apparated away, leaving me feeling a little guilty.

"Should we have warned Mr. Potter?" I asked Dad.

He shrugged. "Eh. Let them burn. Have a great year at Hogwarts!"

With that, I boarded the train and yelled, "Bye!"

* * *

"I still think it's really cool that you got Head Boy, Scorpius!" Alex exclaimed the moment he saw me enter our compartment.

I rolled my eyes. "Quidditch Captain is cooler, though."

Did I mention that Alex was made Quidditch Captain last year?

And he's jealous that I'm Head Boy.

After chatting for a bit and also saying hello to various Slytherins, I checked the gold watch that I got for my seventeenth birthday.

"Sorry, Alex, I have to go and meet the Head Girl. Bye!"

Alex nodded, beaming. "Bye, Scorpius!"

* * *

I arrived at the Prefect's compartment and opened the compartment door.

A not-in-a-good-way familiar voice greeted me.

"Oh, you're here! A bit late, but we still have plenty of time to plan- WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Weasley shrieked.

"Voice, Weasley," I said calmly, even though I was feeling like committing suicide.

"This HAS to be some kind of joke! There is NO way I am working with YOU, Malfoy!" wailed Weasley.

"I don't exactly feel like jumping for joy, Weasley, more like jumping off the Astronomy Tower," I said dryly.

Weasley glared at me. "Let's get this straight, Malfoy, one step out of line and I'll-"

"You'll do what?" I asked, smirking slightly. "Yell at me? How terrifying."

Her blue eyes narrowed at me. "Are you forgetting that I have a lot of cousins still at Hogwarts? And my cousins who have graduated would still be more than happy to do… unpleasant things to you."

I glared at her back. "Oh really? Are you forgetting that I am friends with the WHOLE Slytherin House, which amounts to about, oh, one hundred people, give or take a few?"

"Only? Ravenclaw has twice that amount. What's wrong, Sorting Hat doesn't have the heart to put anyone in the same House as YOU?" Weasley sneered.

"No, it's because everyone wants to go to Gryffindor, the House where the famous Golden Trio and Albus Dumbledore were in, not Slytherin, the House where Voldemort and his lackeys were in," I said icily. "Haven't you noticed that Gryffindor has like five hundred students?"

Weasley bit her lip, but before she could respond, someone cleared his throat.

We turned to look at said someone.

"Ahem. Your Majesties, may we, the poor, worthless worms speak?" said Nott sarcastically.

Weasley turned bright red. I probably did too.

Twenty two prefects were staring at us, and were probably there for-

"Ten minutes! Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone! Malfoy here was being a prick," apologized Weasley after glancing at her watch.

"Language, Weasley," I muttered in anger.

Weasley glared at me but didn't respond.

Some of the prefects grumbled, but everyone sat down.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Boot, Weasley's counterpart prefect.

"Er…." stuttered Weasley.

Boot buried his face in his hands. "You don't have one, do you?"

One of the new prefects muttered, "Are all Heads like this?"

Time to save my dignity. And unfortunately Weasley's while I'm at it.

"Actually, we do. Fifth-year Ravenclaw prefects patrol the Eastern half of the castle along with the Slytherins, and the fifth-year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs take the other half on Saturdays and Wednesdays. Sixth-year Ravenclaws and Slytherins take the Eastern half and Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs take the Western on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays. Seventh-year Ravenclaws and Slytherins take the Eastern half and Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs take Western on Thursdays and Fridays," I said strategically.

Weasley looked mildly impressed.

Suddenly, the room felt warmer.

Someone must've done a Heating charm because they felt cold.

A fifth-year Ravenclaw prefect raised his hand.

"Why do the Ravenclaws have to work with the Slytherins?"

I rolled my eyes. "If I put the Gryffindors and Slytherins together, they would try to kill each other, Hufflepuffs would try to attack the Slytherin prefects and would ultimately be killed, but the Ravenclaws would too busy trying to finish patrolling the castle so that they can get back to studying to bother the Slytherins."

"…Oh."

Before we could dismiss the meeting, Weasley said, "You do realize that we have to patrol TOGETHER now, right?"

Darn.

"Stupid Malfoy. Meeting adjourned!"

* * *

_Heating charm, Scorpius?_

**_Shut up._**

_You're pathetic._

**_And you're annoying. Now be quiet._**

* * *

**A/N: Seventh year!**


	9. Get Told A Scary Love Story

**A/N: I know that McGonagall retired by Scorpius' first year, but I really don't like OCs since I like sticking to canon, even though McGonagall shouldn't be headmistress if I went with it. Sorry.**

* * *

**9. Hear a really scary story about two enemies who got married. Terrifying.**

After the Sorting, the Headmistress pulled Weasley and I out of the feast and dragged us to her office, also known as the 'Office of Doom.'

Basically, she wanted to tell us something.

Either that, or Weasley killed someone and I was somehow involved in it.

It's possible, that girl needs anger management!

* * *

McGonagall made us sit down.

"Sit down," said McGonagall, sitting down on an armchair that looked way more comfortable than ours.

I was about to sit down when I noticed something.

"There's writing on it! 'James Potter'?" I said, staring at said writing.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley came here so often that I just gave them their own chairs," explained McGonagall.

"I believe you gave them their own chairs after the, ah, 'Pokemon Incident'*," drawled Professor Snape's portrait, smirking slightly.

I tried not to laugh, but Weasley looked scandalized at the reminder of the 'incident'.

In our first year, Potter and Weasley had somehow convinced Hagrid that these fantasy muggle creatures called 'Pokemon' existed. It had been a hot topic at Hogwarts for WEEKS, with muggle-borns and wizard-raised students arguing about it.

Though, after doing some research about Pokemon, I thought it would be kind of cool if they were real.

"But that's not what you're here about," said McGonagall seriously. "I just wanted to tell you two that for the sake of the school, _please_ try to set aside your differences and work together."

She said this like she had told another two Heads who were enemies before.

Suddenly, I thought back to a time when I had detention in the trophy room.

* * *

'"_You missed one, boy!" cackled Filch with glee._

_I scowled and went to scrub the cup he was talking about._

_After about ten minutes, I looked at the stained cup in frustration and read it._

'_In honor of Lily and James Potter, Head Girl and Boy, and heroes to the end._''

* * *

Then, I thought back to the first time I had heard the names 'Lily and James' together:

* * *

'"_I AM A BILLION TIMES SMARTER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, MALFOY!" bellowed Weasley, looking like she wanted to murder me._

"_KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT, WEASLEY!" I bellowed back._

"_Worse than Lily and James…" mumbled Sinistra._'

* * *

Without thinking, I blurted out, "Like Lily and James?"

McGonagall widened her eyes. "You know their story?"

"No," I admitted. "I heard Professor Sinistra say something about 'worse that Lily and James' in first year, and read a cup dedicated to them in detention."

Weasley looked at us curiously. "Who are Lily and James, Professor? I don't think they're my cousins Lily and James either."

McGonagall nodded. "Lily Luna and James Sirius Potter were named after their grandparents, Lily Evans Potter and James Potter."

Weasley gasped. "They were killed by Voldemort! I remember now!"

"Yes, but there is a little more to their story than that. You see, Lily and James used to be like you two, always arguing. Actually, the arguing was a bit one-sided, since James kept on asking Lily out, but generally always arguing. Then, in seventh year, the Headmaster then made them Head Girl and Head Boy."

"At first, the staff thought Dumbledore had finally lost his marbles, and that Hogwarts would be burned down within a week, but to our surprise, James matured and started to become friends with Lily."

"Professor, are you implying that I'm immature?" I asked indignantly.

"Of course not, Malfoy," snapped McGonagall. "I am only telling you to at the VERY least, forget your differences and work together in peace."

Weasley scowled. "Didn't Lily and James get married and have Uncle Harry?"

I felt like puking. There was no way I was going to marry Weasley and have… eeew….

McGonagall buried her face into her hands, probably a first for her.

"I am not asking you to marry each other, just work together peacefully. Go back to the feast now, I'm sure you're hungry."

Scowling and looking a little green, Weasley and I left the Headmistress' office.

* * *

After we walked in silence for some time, Weasley suddenly said, "Let's get this straight, Malfoy, I am never going to marry you or do anything REMOTELY friendly with you. Got it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Are you kidding me? I'd rather snog Potter than you."

"Glad we've got something settled," she said haughtily before marching off to the Great Hall.

Girls.

* * *

_**She looks cute when she's angry.**_

_Shut up._

* * *

**A/N: This one's a bit short, but I couldn't resist putting Lily and James into the story.**

**And also maybe because I kind of needed a bridge to transition to the next chapter.**

**Well, anyway, please tell me your thoughts via review!**

**ALSO: Sorry for the VERY late update!**

**-Dragon**


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